Growing up, the walls of our home were held together by sexual abuse, silence, and fear. I was taught that any emotional outburst in an effort to get help or tell secrets only meant more harm. I was taught my body wasn’t my own and I only existed to face pain and suffering. I learned that men hurt women and more violence and pain would come if I didn’t just lay there and take it. I was sold the idea that this was family.
As a teenager I entered into the Kansas Foster Care System, moving from urban Kansas to a small town of less than 200. Starting a new life in a new town, with a new “family”, new school and knowing no one. It was a very challenging time. From the culture and life shocks to all of the new environmental and system demands, I was angry and just wanted to be normal. Over time I turned that anger into the fiery drive to be on my own and independent someday. At the age of 14 I began to work as many hours as I could outside of school at a local café. At the same time, I really put my head down in my studies. I wanted to get away from a “home” I didn’t feel like I belonged in. Seemingly the only joys I felt in my life were talking with people who actually understood what I was going through, playing basketball, and dancing. I’d often go on solo walks around the small town or dribble a basketball to let my mind feel free from all of the pressure and demands the foster care system often puts on teenagers. Eventually I aged out of care and moved into the dorms of a community college. It was the most freedom I had felt. Again I focused on my studies, found work, and played ball with the college basketball team (I wasn’t part of the team, although I tried and decided I needed to work instead). I graduated, went on to earn my Bachelors in Social Work and then a Masters. To graduate from college as a first-generation college student and foster alum, is still my single proudest moment.
Since I was a child I knew someday I’d tell my story. Within the first few years of college, I went public sharing my upbringing and trauma with the goal to encourage others to tell their family secrets, to get help and to heal. From local newspapers to national television shows, I wanted other children to know the abuse they face at home is not normal and that they can get help. Family doesn’t mean violation to your soul.
A 90 something year old women called into the hotline after our story was broadcasted just to finally share that this also happened to her. She held that secret and never even told her husband. I often wonder what kind of life she lived with all of that silence, secrecy, and suppression. I am so proud of her for finally saying it out loud and taking her power back!
Traits, loves, passions, and soul shit.
I stand by integrity and live life curiously. Always pondering, researching, working to understand something more. I am an epiphany junkie, addicted to the endorphin release, love chasing the pumps in the gym, and obsessed with personal and professional growth, #kaizen.
Being in a flow state brings me unbound happiness and so much joy. The same goes for spending time in inspiring surroundings such a cool coffee shops or simply anywhere outside on a sunny day. I love quotes and the sound of birds chirping brings me tranquility. I often try to push myself to do challenging things but let me be clear: I’m human too. I frequently stand in my own way and I've learned over the years that breaks are needed from time to time. Maybe standing in our own way is a necessary evil at certain points in our lives. The lesson here for me is to pick ourselves up, always, relentlessly, to stop the pity party, and to fight to create the life that we deserve.
